Revenge of the Word Nerd

Moving...

2009-05-11T10:47:00.003-04:00

I'm trying out a few new blogging services in a quest to find one that's a bit more dynamic and offers a cleaner design. To avoid any confusion spurred by constantly changing URLs, I've purchased a domain and will redirect it as need be.

The new address:

www.revengeofthewordnerd.com

Bookmark that address to be sure you're always at the right page. See you there!

A full page equals the whole page.

2009-05-05T11:19:00.005-04:00

While this may be fine for teaching fractions to 3rd-graders, it's of little help for determining specs for a magazine ad. (Yes, this is an undoctored image of the only item included in a media kit I received today.)

Soylent Green is people!

2009-04-30T11:38:00.001-04:00

Soylent Green is people!, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

A rather unfortunate typo in the online version of Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano's April 29 update on swine flu. See it here: www.dhs.gov/ynews/releases/pr_1241056994692.shtm (still misspelled as of 4/30/09)

Thanks to Wadester23 on Twitter for the heads-up.

"Contamos todos"

2009-04-27T19:51:00.000-04:00

Teatro Latino de Asheville presents

"Contamos todos"
True local stories and views on immigration.
Directed by Lule Rosenbaun

Friday, May 1 and Saturday, May 2 at 8:00 p.m.
Sunday, May 3 at 3 p.m.

Highsmith University Union
on the campus of UNC Asheville

Free admission, $5 donation suggested.
For more information or reservations:
828/250-2388 or telash@unca.edu

Sponsored by:
UNC Asheville
Hispanic Outreach for Learning Awareness
La Voz Independiente

Click here for more information at www.telash.org.

As opposed to...?

2009-04-25T21:55:00.001-04:00

As opposed to...?, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

the oscar's

2009-04-13T11:22:00.001-04:00

the oscar's, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

Extraneous apostrophes set in neon are the most tragic of all.

Atlanta, GA

Save Charles Carmichael!

2009-04-06T16:42:00.005-04:00

We take a break from the regular programming about spelling, punctuation and accordions to bring you this public service announcement...

There are few TV shows that are must-sees for me. In fact, right now it’s just “Lost” and “Chuck,” and it looks like the latter is in danger of not being picked up for a 3rd season.

If you’ve never seen “Chuck,” check it out. You can watch it on NBC at 8 p.m. on Mondays, or online the following day. It’s equal parts high action and sharp comedy — kinda like the love child of “Alias” (at least the first three seasons) and “Friends.” Above all, it’s escapism that’s both crazy fun and smart, making it infinitely more deserving of renewal than most shows currently littering the TV landscape (I’m looking at you, reality and scripted shows featuring over-privileged pretty people.) In fact, I'll venture to say I'd be truly bummed if this show were to be yanked, as its writing, direction, production values and acting are consistently top-notch, providing a welcome escape at the start of each work week. That's unlike other faves that start slipping after a bit and really just need to be put down before their creative nosedive tarnishes their legacy too much. (Case in point: the aforementioned "Alias." Sorry, Syd.)

GiveMeMyRemote.com is devoting this week to getting the word out about "Chuck" and its plight for renewal. This here blog post is me doing my part to ensure that Charles Carmichael & Co. stay with us a bit longer. Seriously, you have nothing better to do this evening, so hang out with Chuck for a bit, eh?

Accordion Hero

2009-04-03T12:51:00.003-04:00

My fab Accordion Hero shirt (with accordion spelled correctly, unlike this travesty) arrived today. You know you want one. Click here to order from sharkrobot.com (which, for the record, provides excellent customer service).

chaina natinal

2009-04-02T16:02:00.001-04:00

chaina natinal, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

This is the first thing you see on a promo video for an acrobatic troupe coming to Asheville this weekend. It seems their booking agent would at least correct the spelling for English-speaking audiences.

it's cache

2009-03-31T17:33:00.001-04:00

it's cache, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

I got this pop-up today when I double-clicked on an .exe file. For shame, Window's!

Hot N Cold: Squeezebox Style

2009-03-25T18:01:00.001-04:00

Los Colorados, hot and cold reprise Katy Perry
Uploaded by nico-eteignez

at it's best

2009-03-10T10:49:00.001-04:00

at it's best, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

I sent the company behind this banner ad a friendly note to let them know that the apostrophe in "its" is unnecessary. I suppose they misread my e-mail -- and they didn't bother to look at the offending banner ad, either -- as they e-mailed back that adding an apostrophe in "its" would make the sentence grammatically incorrect. I responded that I was in total agreement, which is why I was letting them know that someone overlooked an extraneous apostrophe in their banner ad. No response, and the ad still stands as-is.

Being a word nerd is often a thankless existence. {sigh...}

Things That Make Me Aggro #1: Accordian Hero

2009-03-05T11:53:00.004-05:00

I was in a pretty good mood this morning until I came across this line of Accordion Hero t-shirts with "accordion" misspelled. Now I just want to track down the person responsible for this and knee him in the groin. Hard.

Happy National Grammar Day

2009-03-04T12:01:00.001-05:00

National Grammar Day happens to fall the day after Square Root Day (03/03/09). What a great week to be a geek!

spicy grapes

2009-03-01T20:10:00.001-05:00

spicy grapes, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

Mmm...chili-derived grapes.

Fierce (early '80s)

2009-03-01T19:06:00.001-05:00

tee-ball 2 (early '80s), originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

This is the fierce Village Market tee-ball team. I'm on the 2nd row, 3rd from right.

I recall not caring much for tee-ball and not being very good at it, but my mother has convinced herself that I was a star player. The gut would say otherwise.

Click the photo for more oldies.

Public Service Announcement

2009-03-01T17:35:00.003-05:00

It's "I couldn't care less," not "I could care less."

Think about it: If you're trying to convey the idea that you don't care about something, then saying you could care less implies that you do care somewhat. Therefore, to come across as a truly flippant smart-ass, you should say "I couldn't care less."

Hopefully you couldn't care less about this post. If you could, thank you for caring.

Porn + Dismay

2009-02-04T08:38:00.006-05:00

The reading in this first link -- courtesy of The Captain -- is my version of the letters in Penthouse. Seriously.

Do You Abuse Quotation Marks?

The next one is courtesy of Jason, and it brings me more than a little bit of grief. I thought that if anyone would carry the torch of grammar and punctuation 'til the bitter end, it would be the Brits.

It's a catastrophe for the apostrophe in Britain.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

2009-01-20T22:07:00.001-05:00

What a glorious day. What more can be said?

More Montford intercom fun

2009-01-19T12:47:00.004-05:00

Office doorbell rings, so I press the TALK button on the intercom.

Me: "Hello?"

Gentleman w/deep voice: "Hello."

Silence.

Me: "May I help you?"

Him: "Yeah, you'd help me if you come to the door."

Me: "Who are you looking for?"

Him: "Aw, I forgot his name."

Me: "I think you have the wrong office."

Him: "Okay."

Not nearly as engaging as the Keisha Rae exchange, but entertaining nonetheless.

2 years

2009-01-14T23:23:00.002-05:00

2 years, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

Me at 2 years old. I think I had been crying, hence the watery eyes.

Click the photo for more oldies.

365 FAIL

2009-01-14T12:04:00.004-05:00

Although I haven't posted many of them, I was doing a good job at taking daily photos for Project 365. However, yesterday I faltered, and that's when I realized that project just isn't for me. I was waiting 'til late at night to take most of the photos, as working a 9-to-5 desk job doesn't make for exciting photography. But even outside of work, my life isn't that exciting. And y'know what? That's fine with me. And I'm not going to resort to posting photos of myself everyday because I don't like taking photos of myself, and chances are you wouldn't want to see them if I did.

So I'm going to bow out of this one gracefully, offering a sincere apology to anyone who wanders over here thanks to the kind people at BlogAsheville, who mentioned my attempt at this project. However, I do still plan on posting more photos this year as I get to know my new digital SLR, plus there are many, many more old photos to scan and post. Oh yeah, and those photos of unfortunate grammar and punctuation in public places? They're not going anywhere.

PS: If you don't get the FAIL reference, then you must acquaint yourself with the wonderful FAIL Blog and (my favorite) the English FAIL Blog.

lossing

2009-01-14T10:12:00.001-05:00

lossing, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

I've seen loosing before, but lossing? Sadly, these types of mistakes are pretty common on the website of my hometown newspaper.

Where I get it.

2009-01-10T16:28:00.001-05:00

Where I get it., originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

If you were to hold up this photo of my dad next to a photo of me at the same age (mid teens, I guess?) and ask which was me, even I would pick the photo of my father. It's really quite surprising how much this looks like me.

4th Grade: '83-'84

2009-01-10T16:07:00.001-05:00

4th Grade: '83-'84, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

I'm on the back row, 3rd from the right.

3rd Grade: '82-'83

2009-01-10T16:04:00.001-05:00

3rd Grade: '82-'83, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

Mom brought over a bunch of old photos today. My favorites are still our class shots from elementary school. This is another I hadn't seen in ages.

I'm on the 2nd row, 3rd from the left.

5th grade

2009-01-09T13:07:00.003-05:00

5th grade, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

Many thanks to Shelley for scanning this and posting it on Facebook. I hadn't seen this photo in years, and it makes me all kinds of giddy. For some reason, the first thing I remembered was how twins Douglas and Loretta (he's in the middle row, second from right; she's on the back, second from left) used to get in knock-down, drag-out fights. He called her a hussy during one scuffle, and although I didn't know what that meant, I knew better than to go home and ask.

That's me in the back row near the middle, stylin' in the red shirt and afro.

seperate

2009-01-08T11:17:00.002-05:00

seperate, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

I'm not sure why shipments are seperate but notifications are separate.

Project 365, Day 006: Guitar Nerd

2009-01-06T22:42:00.002-05:00

Project 365, Day 006: Guitar Nerd, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

Layered clothing? Check.
Sunglasses? Check.
Shaggy hair? Check.
Attitude? Check. {snicker}

Dude, it's Guitar Hero; there's nothing cool about it.

Project 365, Day 005: Music

2009-01-05T23:21:00.000-05:00

Project 365, Day 005: Music, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

Practicing accordion before hitting the sack. In the mug is hot tea (chamomile on this night), which -- along with copious amounts of coffee -- is replacing alcohol this month.

posin' (circa 1979)

2009-01-04T23:54:00.002-05:00

posin (circa 1979), originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

I finally got a multifunction printer so I can scan some old photos and post them to Flickr. First up: my brother (left) and me with the first of two dogs we had named Benji. Weren't we clever?

Look for many more photos to be posted to my Flickr account in the coming weeks.

Project 365, Day 004: It's a monkey!

2009-01-04T21:55:00.005-05:00

Project 365, Day 004: It's a monkey!, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

I was getting in the car at Staples this morning when what should pop up in the car next to me but a real, live MONKEY! I couldn't get my digital SLR out in time to get a closeup, but the camera phone has now made itself completely worth it.

Project 365, Day 003: Leftovers

2009-01-03T23:55:00.000-05:00

Project 365, Day 003: Leftovers, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

The cast from our fall production of "The Twilight Zone" came over to watch a video of the show and this is what's left. However, I'm happy to report that I didn't consume any of these, sticking with my New Year's Resolution of no alcohol in January.

I've heard peeling labels off of beer bottles means you're sexually frustrated. I wonder who mauled the bottle on the right?

Project 365, Day 002: Resolutions

2009-01-02T23:31:00.003-05:00

Project 365: Day 002, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

Here they are, posted on the fridge as a reminder to me, and now posted online so the Interwebs can hold me accountable: my resolutions for 2009. #1 is easily achievable if I follow #2. Two days in and so far, so good on #s 2 and 3.

Under construction.

2009-01-02T11:30:00.002-05:00

Trying to find a template that will allow me to post larger photos, as the 240-pixel ones allowed by the previous template weren't cutting it.

Project 365, Day 001: Julieta

2009-01-01T23:01:00.007-05:00

Project 365: Day 001, originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett.

You may be familiar with Project 365: it's when shutterbugs take a photo a day and post their works for all the world to see. Do people do this for a love of (a) art, (b) exhibitionism, or (c) themselves? Probably a little of all three. Regardless, I've decided to jump on the bandwagon for 2009. I've thought about doing this for a long time, but now that I have both a cameraphone and a decent digital SLR, I have no excuse. It'll be a fun way to better acquaint myself with the SLR (on the days I actually use that camera), and it'll be an incentive to stop and smell the roses more often.

Here are my promises to those who view these photos:
1. I shant make believe that I'm {insert name of great photographer here}. Photography is purely a hobby for me, and since many of the photos will be taken with the camera phone or point-and-shoot camera, the artistic quality will often be inherently limited. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that, in my case, the answer to the question in the paragraph above is (b).
2. I'll go light on the photos that combine the self-timer with a posed shot to try to look all spontaneous, introspective, etc. (If you're familiar with the Project, you know the kind I'm talking about.) In fact, I promise no to tortue you with photos of me each day.
3. I'll try to upload photos at least twice a week to keep things semi-current.

However, for the first photo, I'm breaking rule #2 (somewhat). But this photo serves as a self reminder of one of my resolutions for the new year: play the accordion every single day. By the way, it's too bad you can't tell how awesomely tacky that blue robe with the deer all over it really is.

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

2008-12-30T15:30:00.004-05:00

See that subject line? It's a complete, grammatically correct sentence. Click here to learn more in the. most. awesome. Wikipedia. entry. EVER.

And now, if you'll pardon me, I need to be alone for a moment....

Gypsy punk + lovely ladies + crime-fighting super-heroes = New Year's Eve fun!

2008-12-26T11:37:00.000-05:00

Click here for more information.

Click here to listen to Sirius.B at MySpace.

A Very Merry Word Nerd (and SNL) Christmas

2008-12-25T00:10:00.006-05:00

And now, for your holiday enjoyment -- when your belly is full of ham and eggnog, your stocking is empty and you're positively giddy with (or exhausted from) Christmas cheer -- the Word Nerd presents some of his favorite holiday clips, most courtesy of SNL. Enjoy, and Merry Christmas!

EDIT (12/29/08): Seems hulu.com videos don't fit in my template and my anal-retentive self can't handle things that don't fit within a neat grid, so I'm just going to link to the videos from that site.

First up: a glimpse into how our Jewish friends spend Christmas Day. Click here for the video.

Those of us who celebrate Christmas kick off the season by putting up a piece of plastic or by heading to the Christmas tree stand and picking out some dead sticks. Click here to watch. Can't you just smell the pine?

Hungry again? How about some Schweddy Balls? Click here for a nibble.

And now for something a little more sincere...or as sincere as a fast-food commercial can be. (I used to love this commercial as a kid.)

And one more classic commercial:

Enough with the commercialism. Now back to the snarkiness. Let's check in on the Two A-Holes again. Now they're spreading some holiday cheer in the local live nativity scene. Click here, all ye faithful.

And finally, another brilliant Robert Smigel cartoon...this one a take on a Christmas classic:

Merry Christmas, all. And thanks for the Christmas card you sent me, Violet.

nondenominal

2008-12-08T00:10:00.001-05:00

nondenominal
Originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett

This one's more a question than a criticism. I know the word nondenominational but have never seen nondenominal. A Google search brings up only a few examples of the latter but seemingly no recognition of the word on Merriam-Webster and other sites geared toward word nerds. Also, cutting a mere five letters from a 17-letter word to abbreviate it seems silly, especially when there's clearly enough room for the entire word on the sign. So which is it: is this a legitimate abbreviation, or a full-on misspelling?

And yes, these really are the issues on which I spend a great amount of brainpower.

deranged easter bunny

2008-12-02T21:14:00.002-05:00

deranged easter bunny
Originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett

This is what happens when I'm bored but in the holiday spirit.

Look your on camera.

2008-12-01T09:54:00.007-05:00

I find a great deal of comfort in knowing I have several friends who are sticklers when it comes to proper grammar, spelling and punctuation on any items that are to be made public. Two in particular have been quick to let me know about tragic signs around town, and they'll even take photos if they're quick on the draw with their camera phones.

Thanks to Michael for this nugget:

And thanks to Jason for the ones below, the first of which I still can't wrap my brain around:

Its Your Birthday...

2008-11-18T17:03:00.005-05:00

A very belated thanks to Michael (from Onion Rings Across America) and Chance (from A Year in Asheville) for this oh-so-perfect birthday card with its missing apostrophe and extraneous colon.

I'm glad to see the tourists are chilling out.

2008-11-18T10:11:00.003-05:00

When poor subject-verb agreement changes the meaning of a headline...courtesy of the November 17 issue of the Asheville Citizen-Times.

Protect Marriage. Outlaw Divorce.

2008-11-11T14:29:00.002-05:00

And quickie marriages in Vegas. And shotgun weddings. And pick-a-spouse reality shows.

Cross-posted from Onion Rings Across America.

Why you comin' home at 5 in the mornin'...?

2008-11-07T16:29:00.003-05:00

This blog is typically PG-13 rated, but sometimes something is so over the top in its profanity that it begs to be shared. But you should use caution in watching this music video for two reasons: 1) it's very much not safe for work, and 2) the melody will be stuck in your head for days.

If you think you can handle it, then enjoy this video, which is either brilliant in its sincerity or a brilliant parody. I believe it's the former.

November 4, 2008

2008-11-04T23:25:00.004-05:00

I rarely bring politics into this blog or go too deeply into my personal life, as there are countless other bloggers who do those things much more eloquently than I can. But I naturally feel compelled to share my thoughts in the minutes between McCain's concession speech and Obama's victory speech.

Hope was a big theme in Obama's campaign. It's the one I latched onto and the reason I voted for him. Here are just a few of the things that I hope for:

I hope we're ushering in an era when Republicans and Democrats stop making every issue an "us vs. them" issue and consider what's best for our country instead of what's best for their party.
I hope politicians on both sides of the aisle feel a renewed respect for all of their constituents regardless of party.
I hope our interactions with the rest of the world take into consideration much more than what we have to gain.
I hope we begin to heal our relationships with our brothers and sisters around the globe.
I hope we're entering a time when my personal life isn't used as a pawn to gain votes.
I hope the Republican party moves back toward the center, talking about the real issues instead of pandering to the lowest common denominator in its campaigning (Elizabeth Dole, I'm looking at you).

I believe McCain was capable of doing much of this, and that was evidenced in his incredible concession speech, which focused largely on unity. I've always had a great deal of respect for McCain and for the most part admire how he conducted his campaign, as it was far less divisive than the campaigns Bush ran in 2000 and 2004. However, McCain made some missteps in the home stretch of the campaign, including his pick for running mate.

As I listen to Obama, who just took the stage, I feel the hope inside me building. I look at the faces in the field at Grant Park and see the diversity that I see when I walk down the streets of Asheville every day. I hear Obama talking about everyone in the United States, Republican and Democrat, black and white, gay (gasp!) and straight, and I think that maybe, just maybe, we'll start working together to heal our nation and its people.

Obama has wrapped up his speech and now the work begins. It's not a time to gloat, nor is it a time to be complacent. Those of us who supported Obama in his campaign are now charged with holding him accountable for keeping his campaign promises. We've done a lot to prove to the world that the U.S. is ready for a change. Now it's time to make that change happen.

"The Twilight Zone"

2008-10-22T14:12:00.002-04:00

On Halloween weekend, Dark Horse Theatre (which staged the '80s dark comedy classic "Heathers" last spring) is presenting a few episodes of "The Twilight Zone" at BeBe Theatre. Click the poster above for bigger goodness, and help spread the word. (In the interest of full disclosure/shameless self-promotion: I'm in the show!)

I'd just walk out.

2008-10-12T22:30:00.003-04:00

"I'll have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-bucco."

Window seat, please.

2008-10-07T00:40:00.006-04:00

I know I shouldn't laugh, but with a mugshot like that, how can you not? From my hometown newspaper, the Kingsport (TN) Times-News:

BLOUNTVILLE — A 10-year-old boy reportedly driving almost 90 mph crashed a van Sunday and sent five people to the hospital. A Bristol man and woman who were in the van are facing numerous criminal charges.

{snip}

Just before 6 p.m., the Sullivan County Sheriff’s Department responded to a report of a vehicle crash with injuries on Flatwoods Road in the north section of the county only to discover the young boy had been the driver responsible for the accident.

The youth was driving a 1995 Ford Winstar on the gravel road when the crash occurred, flipping the vehicle on its top.

The three children — the driver, another 10-year-old and a six-year-old, — were released to the Tennessee Department of Children Services after being treated for their injuries.

Upon arriving at the scene officers noticed all five passengers sitting by the roadway, Elton said.

“We received a call that people were trapped in a van, and when we got there they were all beside the roadway,” he said. “Paula Evans was standing in the roadway when officers arrived and she started swallowing as many pills as she could.”

Officers prevented Evans from taking more before arresting her. Afterwards they found other pills, like Percocet, at the scene, he said.

According to the police report, Lewis, who was wearing a T-shirt that read “Buy This Dad a Beer” when he was apprehended, appeared to be intoxicated and admitted to drinking at least 15 beers in addition to liquor while at the scene.

-----

Wait...did he drink those 15 beers plus liquor at the scene, or confess at the scene to having consumed that much alcohol in the hours leading up to the accident? Aw heck, who cares? Dude gets the Mugshot of the Year Award.

Click here for the full article.

Presenting...

2008-09-30T10:36:00.001-04:00

Originally uploaded by periphery...

...The Institute for Something-or-Another. I can't remember the overly verbose name August came up with for our accordion club, but here we are at our debut public performance (which was also the first time playing in public for both Nicole and me). Click on the photo for more.

If only...

2008-09-29T13:26:00.002-04:00

From the front page of CNN.com this afternoon:

This ain't your Großmutter's accordion music

2008-09-28T22:37:00.006-04:00

Fully half the people I tell I'm learning to play accordion make some crack about lederhosen and/or polka. Mind you, I'm not complaining; part of my attraction to accordion is that it's an instrument that's relatively rare (at least here in the Southern U.S.) and quite misunderstood. In reality, it's a diverse instrument that's often used in some surprising ways, and a prime example of that is American Sinner.

The group's MySpace page describes it as "accordion music for people that like goth, punk, grunge, folk, etc." That seems pretty accurate, judging from the CD cover above, the clips on the group's homepage and the list of recent shows (such as a stint at Pagan Pride VA). Regardless, it's some kick-ass stuff. Bust out the black eyeliner and enjoy.

Recovering

2008-09-28T18:35:00.005-04:00

It's a beautiful fall day. Therefore, I should be on a long bike ride or a hike at some secluded trail off the Blue Ridge Parkway. But alas, here I am at home recovering from a spectacular Saturday evening. Not recovering in the hangover sense, but recovering in an overload-of-the-fabulousness-that-is-Asheville sense.

The evening began with the Extravablogiversapaloozathon, the annual gathering of Asheville's bloggerati. Thanks to Gordon Smith and Jennifer Saylor for putting on a spectacular event, and for having it double as a fundraiser for the worthy A-HOPE Day Center. It was great to see so many faces both old and new, and to be in a group with a higher-than-normal concentration of people who are as anal retentive about spelling and punctuation as I am. Read Jennifer's recap of the evening here.

Alas, I had to scoot early to hit the birthday party of a new friend from the accordion club. As part of the festivities, the club made its premiere public performance, and it was also my first time ever playing in public. "What's this accordion club? Do you sit around and play polkas?" you may ask. The club is the brainchild of my patience-of-a-saint accordion teacher, August, and it's a small group of folks who sit around and play music (written by August) that can best be described as ambient trance squeezebox tunes. It's really quite fascinating. Participating in the performance also provided a great sense of accomplishment, knowing I've finally gotten somewhere with that goal of playing accordion that I set so long ago. But alas, there's tons -- tons, I say -- more to learn, and hopefully more performances of the accordion club to come.

By the way, I can assure you our performance was nothing like the one in the video below, and, speaking as the new guy, I'm glad I wasn't relegated to making a series of farting noises like the guy on the left:

Thanks to Patrick from the club for the link.

1,000 Tiny Things I Hate

2008-09-26T15:52:00.003-04:00

I have a friend, who shall remain nameless, who tells me I'm overly optimistic and flirting dangerously with becoming a 21st-century Pollyanna. Truth is that not so far below the surface resides a major smartass who thinks snarky thoughts about some of the most mundane things.

For example, when I read online this afternoon that Kounty Line gas station would be closed Sunday to encourage fuel conservation, instead of thinking Good for them, I thought about how much it pisses me off that they used the cutesy/clever K-for-C substitution that's neither cutesy nor clever, and I automatically assume that owners and customers of such businesses are backwoods yahoos, because only they would think that Kountry is kute, and they probably don't give a shit about conservation. I realize these thoughts are not fact-based in the least (except for the K-for-C substitution being dumb, because it is), but I can't stop these thoughts; they just happen.

So I take comfort in knowing that across the pond, someone has translated these everyday grievances into a very funny blog: 1000 Tiny Things I Hate. Many of these tiny things are very British, yet most are very relatable, either because they're universal gripes or awkward situations we all find ourselves in.

Shouldn't we have the day off‽

2008-09-24T12:37:00.004-04:00

Thanks to the lovely people at Mighty Red Pen for the reminder that today is...

Click here for more info. (I am, however, unsure of the necessity of the quotation marks in the graphic above.)

Also, thanks to the comments section of the Mighty Red Pen post, I learned about a punctuation mark I've never heard of: the interrobang, a cross between a quotation mark and an exclamation point. If this code works right, here's what it looks like: ‽

Isn't that grand‽

"Llévame contigo"

2008-09-23T23:28:00.004-04:00

Santino, about whom I've blogged several times already, has a new song out. Below is a video of a live studio performance. The guy with the great hair on guitar (not the one in the still below...no offense to him, of course) is Michael Sanders of One Tribe Nation, whose music you should also be checking out.

Have you purchased Santino's CD yet? If not, here it is on iTunes. If you're commitment-shy, at least check out "Para abajo y para arriba," "Me tumban" and "Infierno," the latter of which was featured in Steven Spielberg's "War of the Worlds."

paper

2008-09-22T19:18:00.002-04:00

paper
Originally uploaded by Jeremy/Brett

Kudos to the Town of Woodfin for making recycling collection weekly and for adding mixed paper to the mix, but I'm going to have to take the, er...Yello-Out to those quotation marks.

Fiddling with the new camera

2008-09-19T14:52:00.003-04:00

2008-09-18_09
Originally uploaded by funkymono

I spent lunch hour yesterday snapping shots around Downtown with the new camera. It's amazing the depth and detail an SLR with a good lens gives when compared to a point-and-shoot. I'll definitely be picking up a polarizing filter this weekend to cut down on the glare in the clouds and to make the sky and other colors pop more. This evening I'll be trying out the zoom lens at Downtown After Five. (The photo above links to an album with a few more new images.)

Photoshop Genius

2008-09-18T09:00:00.002-04:00

If Celebrities Were from the Midwest

Brilliant.

Thanks to Whitney at Pop Candy for the link.

Extravablogiversapaloozathon

2008-09-17T10:16:00.003-04:00

If you're a blogger and live in Asheville, you need to do three things:

1. If you've not done so already, contact the fine folks at BlogAsheville and ask to be added to the blogroll so more people can read your deep, deep thoughts.

2. Set aside the evening of Saturday, September 27 and plan on coming to the 3rd annual Extravablogiversapaloozathon, a gathering of Asheville bloggerati, a fun, hip, fantastic crew. There shall be food, drink and music, and the evening is doubling as a fundraiser for the A HOPE day center. Festivities begin at 6pm, with the awards (see #3) at 8pm. Keep an eye on BlogAsheville for more info.

3. Vote for the 2008 BlogAsheville Awards. Somehow I slipped in there, under "Most Likely to Make Me Feel Happiest." I suppose that means I can't make threats against puppies, Jonathan Lipnicki and other seemingly innocent beings like others have in an attempt to get votes.

Harry

2008-09-16T12:25:00.001-04:00

Harry
Originally uploaded by funkymono

Harry, a Petit Basset Griffon Vendeen (PBGV), is one of several dogs who provide entertainment for our office.

Edward.

2008-09-12T15:17:00.002-04:00

Thanks to Michael for the cartoon. I love this one so much it's going in the sidebar.

Les Misbarack

2008-09-12T00:04:00.003-04:00

Five Seven years

2008-09-11T08:53:00.003-04:00

Repost of entry from September 11, 2006:

---

I was living in Atlanta. I’d been laid off from my job several weeks prior, but I was still getting up early most days to either bike or go to the gym before spending the afternoon sending out resumes and going to interviews. That morning I had the CBS morning show on while putting on my shoes, and Bryant Gumbel reported that one of the Twin Towers was on fire. The unofficial word was that a plane had crashed into it, but some people were speculating it was a missile. For the next 15 minutes or so no one really knew what was going on –- was it an accident? suicide? terrorism? –- until a plane hit the second tower as millions of people watched on live TV. Then we knew our world would never be the same.

It’s been five years, but that surreal image of that second plane flying across the screen and flames billowing from the other side of the building are fresh for everyone who witnessed it. Ditto the images of the towers collapsing, the shots of dust-covered people trudging through downtown New York, and the views in the coming weeks of walls plastered with photos of people missing since the towers collapsed.

The evening of September 11 I rode my bike to a somber Caribou Coffee next to Ansley Mall in Midtown, desperate to be around other people. All air traffic had been suspended, and to see the evening sky over Atlanta empty was eerie. The interstate was quiet as well, with the digital signs over the road announcing that a state of emergency had been declared.

When I think of everything that’s happened in the five years since –- births, deaths, marriages, moving, jobs, school, vacations, etc. –- September 11, 2001 seems like an eternity ago. But when I think about those events on 9/11, it seems like only last week.

Obviously our lives have changed dramatically. Flying is more of a chore than ever, as is attending any event that draws a large crowd of people. Our nation is both wildly paranoid and wildly patriotic, and we’re mired in a seemingly endless war waged as a response to 9/11, although the target had nothing to do with the plane crashes in NY, DC or PA. A nearly universal sympathy for the US in the wake of the attacks has deteriorated, with our nation now seen as a big bully to most. Yet within our borders, whether we were in the Big Apple or the nation’s capital on that morning or watched the events unfold on TV, whether we support the war in Iraq or stand against it, we all feel a combination of loss and solidarity as we remember where we were five years ago today.

...get one "free"

2008-09-09T10:03:00.001-04:00

...get one "free"
Originally uploaded by funkymono

Not really. It's $5.

North Carolina Mountain State Fair
Fletcher, NC
Monday, September 8, 2008

Taken for the "Quotation Mark" Abuse group on Flickr.

Tomatoe's

2008-09-09T10:02:00.001-04:00

Tomatoe's
Originally uploaded by funkymono

North Carolina Mountain State Fair
Fletcher, NC
Monday, September 8, 2008

Taken for the Atrocious Apostrophe's group on Flickr.

Delicous

2008-09-09T10:00:00.001-04:00

Delicous
Originally uploaded by funkymono

North Carolina Mountain State Fair
Fletcher, NC
Monday, September 8, 2008

Taken for the Bad Signs group on Flickr.

Banana's

2008-09-09T09:59:00.001-04:00

Banana's
Originally uploaded by funkymono

North Carolina Mountain State Fair
Fletcher, NC
Monday, September 8, 2008

Taken for the Atrocious Apostrophe's group on Flickr.

"Elmer's Fresh."

2008-09-09T09:57:00.001-04:00

"Elmer's Fresh."
Originally uploaded by funkymono

Watch our for that Elmer.

North Carolina Mountain State Fair
Fletcher, NC
Monday, September 8, 2008

Taken for the "Quotation Mark" Abuse group on Flickr.

Nasar

2008-09-09T09:43:00.001-04:00

Nasar
Originally uploaded by funkymono

North Carolina Mountain State Fair
Fletcher, NC
Monday, September 8, 2008

North Carolina Mountain State Fair

2008-09-09T01:20:00.001-04:00

Hello, gorgeous.
Originally uploaded by funkymono

The birthday weekend spilled over into the week with a visit to the North Carolina Mountain State Fair. After years of wanting to go this event, I finally got to visit, and it was everything I hoped for...and then some.

Fried Twinkies, NASCAR, fried Snickers, rebel flags, fried potatoes, Bible verses, fried chicken, mullets, fried dough, five-legged sheep, fried [insert name of food that should not be fried]...you get the picture. In spite of the corniness of it all, the event is a blast if you go into it knowing what to expect: a chance to get completely drunk on Southern culture then puke it up on carnival rides of questionable safety.

Speaking of rides, tonight was $15-ride-wristband night, so after visiting the booths for a bit, washing a funnel cake down with brain-freeze-inducing frozen lemonade and visiting the petting zoo with an array of typical farm animals (I'm not sure where the kangaroo and camel fit in, but oh well...), we spent the biggest part of the evening on the rides. Some were so insane it's difficult to explain them, but favorites included the deceptively simple hang-gliding ride (which satisfied that part of me that has recurring dreams about flying) and the roller-coaster cars that do nothing but go back and forth on a vertical, circular track, leaving you suspended upside-down before finally making a full loop.

Click on the photo for more images, and as usual, more descriptions will be added in the coming days.

turn on yor love light

2008-09-09T00:28:00.002-04:00

turn on yor love light
Originally uploaded by funkymono

Woodfin Avenue
Downtown Asheville

Hockey Mom's for Palin

2008-09-04T23:51:00.005-04:00

This evening, CafePress.com is proudly proclaiming that some of its products have been seen on the floor of the Republican National Convention. I can, in theory, see why they'd be excited about that, except there's one small problem...

...an extraneous apostrophe. The badge clicks through to a slew of products emblazoned with the design:

There are also tank tops, ringer tees, sweatshirts, raglans, hoodies and more, all in a variety of colors, and all with the same design that says: "Look at me! I've been hit in the head by one too many stray pucks!"

Interpret that as you wish.

EDIT (09/08/08): The erroneous apostrophe in the artwork was fixed sometime over the weekend. Shucks.

The Ad Nerd likes...

2008-09-02T21:44:00.003-04:00

....this commercial for Stride gum. I'm envious of ad agencies with clients for whom stuff like this is appropriate.

Fun with Craigslist

2008-08-29T15:04:00.005-04:00

The Missed Connections section of Craigslist is always good for a laugh. They follow very distinct patterns...

The m4m ones are more often than not horribly vague:
-----
Downtown - m4m - 39 [Buisness (sic) Downtown]
Saw you Shopping and Would like to talk. If interested.....
-----
Were you that person with the two eyes and hair wearing the shoes?

The m4w ones are shockingly well-written and very specific:
-----
You live one floor up - m4w - 25 (Fairview)
I bump into you every morning walking our dogs and on your porch when you drink your wine. If you know who you are, give me a sign the next time we see each other....
-----
If you know who you are...after drinking all that wine in the morning.

The w4m ones range from poetic to nasty:
-----
Re: Glad you made it here - w4m (Here)
Leave my man alone whore! Go back to wherever it is you came from skank!
-----
Meow.

And the w4w ones...well, there are only three. Guess they all went on that first date with someone and called the U-Haul the next day.
-----
For Randi - w4w
We met briefly a few months ago when we were both looking at the same apartment in Oakley. You told me your first name, that you have a daughter and a cat. You intrigued me.
-----
I stand corrected. There's obviously a new trend in lesbian dating...looking at apartments and then going on the first date.

Poodle Exercise

2008-08-28T00:16:00.003-04:00

Hold out for the 50-second mark, then join me in saying: "WTF?!"

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Plug: "Chesapeake" at NC Stage

2008-08-27T22:05:00.005-04:00

I just returned from a surprisingly good evening of theater courtesy of NC Stage Company. Not surprising because "Chesapeake" was a good show, as NC Stage mounts consistently good productions, but surprising because this surreal, hysterical play takes several twists you will never see coming. The one-man show's tagline is "Art. Politics. Dogs." and I challenge you to guess how it combines the three.

Better yet, don't even try to guess. The show runs through this Sunday, so plop down $7 (a bargain for any bit of theater, especially from a professional company) and go see for yourself. Find out more here.

"Its kind of cold today."

2008-08-26T21:14:00.001-04:00

Revenge of the Word Nerd, version 0.1

2008-08-25T21:43:00.004-04:00

After finding someone else with a website called Virtual Inanity, I decided it was time to rebrand this blog and give it an identity a bit more unique and true to myself. After struggling with this crisis for a few days, the answer struck me when I posted that abhorrent brochure below. As much as I'd love to believe that I'm hip and witty with astute insights to share, the fact is I'm just a big ol' nerd. I love the '80s, pop culture, monkeys, accordions and other kitschy things, and I really get off on catching craptastic spelling and punctuation on items put out there for all the world to see.

The content here will remain largely the same, with random photos, links and (often Asheville-centric) ramblings about things going on in life, although there may be a few more posts about the written word. Still, I'm hoping the new blog branding is a bit more reflective of who I am, although it'll all be a work in progress as the blog continues to find its footing (hence the version 0.1 notation).

A disclaimer: this blog has never been -- nor does it pretend to be -- a bastion of perfect grammar, spelling and punctuation. (Was that the proper use of the word bastion?) When I point out slips of the pen, it's more with a bemused roll of the eyes than with any spirit of malice. However, when people who are supposed to be professionals are paid for their expertise and they still put out something as sloppy as the aforementioned brochure, the ink that flows from my red editing pen is a bit more snarky.

Wow. Just...wow.

2008-08-25T13:14:00.004-04:00

Wow. Just...wow.
Originally uploaded by funkymono

The thought that someone likely got paid to write this and multiple people likely proofread it is truly perplexing. I mean, really. Its' (which is never, ever correct) three times in one sentence? Thoughts that don't go together? Missing punctuation? A final sentence that just seems to end mid-thought? Wow. Just...wow.

This specimen is now hanging at my desk. On those occasions that something accidentally slips by me and makes it into print for a client (it happens to all of us), I'll find comfort in this one.

Scanned for the Atrocious Apostrophe's group on flickr.

photo journal: Mexico, July 2008

2008-08-25T00:36:00.002-04:00

Mexico2008_14
Originally uploaded by funkymono

A month after returning, I've finally posted photos from my trip to Mexico's Yucatan peninsula. This is the third time I've been (most recently was for a one-month language-intensive program in 2006), and the region never ceases to amaze. Mérida, which serves as home base, truly is like a large, hot, Latino version of Asheville; it's a city (pop. 900,000+) full of visual arts (including an extensive public art collection); theater, dance and music performances; beautiful architecture; and fantastic shopping and dining. And a very tropic climate.

This time around, I stayed with the same family as two years ago, and I was taken aback by how they welcomed me back into their home. They kept telling me I'm part of the family, and it really felt that way. Although I had many plans for trips around the peninsula, I ended up spending most of my time with the family and with friends, and that made the trip infinitely more special than it would have been had I rented a car and tooled around the (very hot) countryside by myself most of the time.

I did, however, set aside a day to travel to the city of Campeche, which is a couple of hours south of Mérida. The photo here is a detail of one of the bastions that were built several hundred years ago, when the city was constantly attacked by pirates. Today, Campeche is a quiet coastal town where all the storefronts are painted pastel colors and locals and tourists stroll the (quite hot) stone streets and the boardwalk. A couple of days I also plopped down the whopping $2 USD it costs to take the bus to and from Progreso, the (sunny and hot) beach town about 30 minutes north of Mérida. Needless to say, once you pay your way to México, it can be a very affordable -- albeit toasty -- place to visit.

Have I mentioned that the Yucatan peninsula in July is pretty damn hot? If there was any downside to this trip, that was it; while I was there in July the last time, I was in an air-conditioned classroom for several hours each day. This time I was there on pure vacation, so there were few respites from the heat after leaving the house. Yes, many of (if not the majority of) the businesses in Mérida are air-conditioned, but you're left to deal with the heat when you're en route, or when you're visiting the beach and other outdoor sites. And we're talking an intense sun and a heat index that's often well over 100 degrees.

Still, this was a phenomenal trip. I look forward to returning with a friend next time, renting a car and exploring more of the region, such as the ruins at Calakmul and Palenque. But you can bet your ass that next time I'm going in the winter...when the average daily high is a chilly 86 degrees. Brrr...

Click here for the entire photo set. (More detailed descriptions of photos will be added in the coming days.)
Click here for a more extensive photo set from July 2006.
Click here for photos from December 2004.

penitence

2008-08-23T01:55:00.004-04:00

Many thanks to Ben and Gary for the invitation to dinner this evening, and to Chance and Michael for the company as well. However, after watching "Freddy Got Fingered" (not my choice, I must add), I feel the need to repent by breaking my cardinal rule of "no cutesy crap on the blog" and posting this:

There. I feel better.

EDIT: For the record, "Freddy Got Fingered" is NOT a porno; it's an abhorrent movie starring Tom Green that was made around seven or eight years ago.

rebranding

2008-08-22T17:25:00.002-04:00

I looked into buying virtualinanity.com a couple of years ago but decided not to. Too bad, as someone else bought it, and now it's home to website about cinema. It's not that I really think that I've developed some great brand or that many people read this here page, but now I'm getting bratty and selfish and want my blog name to be my own (stomps foot), so I'm coming up with a new name. Just so you know.

nerd test

2008-08-19T08:23:00.002-04:00

Uber Cool Non-Nerd? That's funny/shocking/absurd. But maybe there's a difference between being a nerd and being a geek. I definitely have the latter covered.

little britain usa

2008-08-11T12:05:00.006-04:00

Some of the new characters for "Little Britain USA" have been unveiled, and it looks like the stateside version of the series will be as bawdy and offensive as the original. I can't wait to see how they lampoon pageant mothers with Ellie-Grace and her mother (above).

Thanks to Entertainment Weekly's PopWatch for the link.

two more movies...

2008-08-10T21:36:00.011-04:00

I just finished watching "The 24th Day," a very well-done and intense low-budget flick that's not unlike "Misery," only with two men (James Marsden and Scott Speedman) and instead of a novel there's an HIV test. The movie touches on themes of trust and homophobia, but it's ultimately about personal responsibility, proving to be a thought-provoking film for anyone regardless of sexual orientation. I'd love to see a local theater company stage the play this is based on. Grade: 4/5

I also realized I forgot to recommend "Under the Same Moon/La misma luna." It's about a boy in Mexico who decides to cross the border alone to try to find his mother, who lives in the United States. It's a bit predictable at times, but it's a charming film and the performances are uniformly strong -- especially that of the little boy, who's quite the fantastic actor. And doggone it if I didn't full-on boo-hoo at the end. Grade: 4/5

feel' n

2008-08-10T16:46:00.002-04:00

feel' n
Originally uploaded by funkymono

Riverside Drive, Asheville

Taken for the Atrocious Apostrophe's group on flickr.

never thought i'd post a Paris Hilton video here, but...

2008-08-08T12:02:00.005-04:00

I can't stand Paris Hilton, but her response to McCain's ad is The Funny.

"Loves it."

Obama vs. McCain: The EW Test

2008-08-07T21:01:00.003-04:00

I must say that, comparing the "Entertainment Weekly" Q&As of Barack Obama and John McCain, McCain's seems more genuine and light-hearted.

movie recap

2008-08-06T09:49:00.004-04:00

I've taken in a few movies both new old over the past week, including:

"The Dark Knight" -- A very good movie, albeit very dark...dark to the point I'm surprised it didn't get an R rating. I appreciate that Christopher Nolan's interpretation of Batman, Gotham, etc. is a bit more realistic than previous incarnations -- or as realistic as a movie about a man in a bat suit can be. There's even minimal use of music in action sequences, so you feel you're right there. The cast is uniformly strong (although Eric Roberts gives me the creeps in a way he's not meant to do). Heath Ledger? Yeah, he's really good...not quite sure if it's Oscar material, though. My biggest complaint: Christian Bale's Batvoice. I see I'm not alone in that gripe. Grade: 4 out of 5

Netflix's Watch Instantly feature may be light on offerings, but there's plenty of horror, including:

"Teeth" -- It's a movie about a girl with teeth in her privates. Thankfully the filmmakers recognize the humor in the premise, so this is more of a dark comedy than a scare flick, and for the most part, it works. Grade: 3/5

"Phantasm" -- This '70s shocker is so full of plot holes, bad special effects and sub-par acting that it's actually entertaining. I've yet to see the three sequels, but it's a hoot that the trailers (check 'em out here) are pretty much interchangeable, what with the cars flipping, blonde chicks screaming and the heroes firing off shotguns. Grade: 3/5 (for the movie and trailers)

Sad to say I enjoyed B-movies about hungry lady bits and flying balls better than...

"Mamma Mia!" -- I was excited about this movie, having heard rave reviews of the stage show and having enjoyed Meryl Streep and Christine Baranski in almost everything they've done. I've loved recent movie musicals such as "Hairspray" and "Sweeney Todd" and hoped this one would follow suit, and even if it wasn't as good as those, I can find redeeming qualities in almost any movie (see review for "Phantasm" above). But "Mamma Mia!" is a big, ugly, disjointed mess of a movie where the songs seem shoehorned into the story, skipping or running up steps is considered choreography (and there's a lot of running up steps in this movie) and Pierce Brosnan should not be allowed to sing. My feelings for this movie are best described by Mrs. White in "Clue":

Thanks to Chance at Fan Boys of the Universe for reminding me about that fantastic quote.

Grade for "Mamma Mia!": 1/5

first it was poison ivy...

2008-08-03T12:04:00.001-04:00

black widow
Originally uploaded by funkymono

...now this. This is one of three black widows I found at the edge of the front porch.

"I Can't Believe It's Not HELL -- Poetry Edition"

2008-07-07T21:33:00.003-04:00

As I posted below, last month's "I Can't Believe It's Not HELL -- Diary Edition" was a smash. Here's info about this month's follow up.

---

You know you have them - tucked away in old journals, scribbled in the margins of a dogeared copy of "The Catcher in the Rye," maybe even published in your high school or college literary magazine - yes, I'm talking about BAAAAAAAAAAD poems. That you wrote. That you thought then were the absolute opposite of bad.

But now when you read them, you think "I can't believe I ever wrote that!" or you just howl with laughter. Or maybe both.

Now's your chance to share them with others! And realize that it wasn't just you all by yourself, mired in your own angst...we were there, too. On Saturday, July 19 at 8:00 pm, 35below will host "I Can't Believe It's Not HELL - Poetry Edition" hosted by Josh Batenhorst. The first ten people to sign up to read (email Josh at j_batenhorst@yahoo.com) get in for free, for everyone else, it's $5. And even if you don't sign up in advance to read, go ahead and bring your horrible haiku clutched in your clammy hand and see if the spirit moves you to share. You'll be glad you did.

recap

2008-07-02T08:50:00.004-04:00

In case you're curious:

1. "I Can't Believe It's Not HELL -- Diary Edition" at 35below was nothing short of brilliant. A small crowd of very brave people reading tragically funny diary entries from long ago…and not so long ago. I shared a few entries from junior year of high school that were about a girl with whom I was oddly obsessed. Case in point: Upon seeing her at a school dance, instead of making a vow to speak to her by the end of the evening, I just vowed to get within an arm's reach. That speaks volumes, as does the fact that she was a tomboy and I decorated my journal entries with stars, smiley faces and bubble letters. Anyway, coming up Saturday, July 19 is the Poetry Edition, and Wednesday, August 20 is the Essay Edition. More info here.

2. Saturday night's Americana Burlesque and Sideshow Festival cabaret was bawdy fun at its best, especially headliners Trixie Little and The Evil Hate Monkey. I ripped up some jeans and paired them with a red polyester shirt, black bow tie, black shoes and socks, and black sock garters (hey, it's a look)…only to be greeted by a rather stuffy, straight-laced crowd in the audience. (Undercover pervs.) Thankfully, the more rowdy folks showed up later, as I was feeling out of place, especially after the lady in front of me gave me a smug look and pointed at her sensitive ears because I was cheering the performers on (at their prompting, I might add). Lady: piss off. If you're at a live show and expect it to be quiet, you're in the minority, so it's up to you to find a place where you're more comfortable.

3. The only thing possibly more awesome than the spider monkey sanctuary in Mexico that I Twitted about a couple of weeks ago may be actually seeing monkeys in the wild for the first time. Turns out there's a good chance of doing exactly that at Calakmul, an enormous biological preserve several hours south of Mérida near the Guatemala border. So, I'm considering renting a car and heading down that way. It's supposed to be a phenomenal site that's only barely been explored, and it's home to what's believed to be the largest Mayan structure ever built, plus tons of rare birds and mammals, including the aforementioned monkeys and jaguars, too.

---

For your entertainment, here's a history of Trixie Little and The Evil Hate Monkey:

I Can't Believe It's Not HELL -- Diary Edition

2008-06-24T15:59:00.003-04:00

Below is info about a brilliantly twisted event Asheville Community Theatre is hosting tomorrow night (Wednesday, June 25). So far, many people have said they're attending, but only a couple have said they're bringing diary/journal entries to share. So c'mon...dust off those old (or not so old) tomes and come to 35below at 8pm tomorrow evening! See you there!

---

Anyone have their 3rd grade diary? 8th grade? Last year's? On Wednesday, June 25 at 8:00 pm, take the escalator down to Hell (really, just 35below), where you have the opportunity to read entries from old diaries. The more hilarious, the better. If you know you want to read, email Tom Chalmers (he's hosting) at hamface@bellsouth.net and let him know. If you're not sure, bring your stuff to 35below anyway, grab a cold one, and listen and laugh. First 10 people to sign up with Tom to read get in for free, for the rest of us, it's only 5 bucks to listen.

My friend Candace has graciously sent in a few of her diary entries to show us how it's done. Keep in mind that she was 11 -

January 23, 1988
Today the Dirty Dancing tape got eaten by Dad's recorder. I am so mad!! Then when I came in and took my shoes off Callee hit me in the head with one of Dad's boots. I went in my closet so I could be alone, get mad, and cry then Dad came and asked me why I was crying. I told why, because of the tape and Callee hitting me in the head. Then Mom called me and asked why I was mad and she said "It was only a tape."...I'm sorry to say, but she doesn't have a heart!

September 26, 1988
...Chris and Brooks are so cute. But Brooks is conceited. I like Chris...I wish I would have this conversation with Chris C. after a dance. I'll pretend he took me to it.
Candee: Well, I guess I need to go in now. (I head to the door)
Chris: Wait. (I walk back and Chris gives me a closed-eyed romantic kiss.)
Chris: There, you can go now.
Candee: Bye.
...I know it will never come true though....

October 16, 1988
...I love the song "Red Red Wine"...

I Can't Believe It's Not HELL - Diary Edition is part of the Late Night Comedy Series in 35below. Tickets are available at www.ashevilletheatre.org or by calling 254-1320. Or at the door, if we're not already sold out.

Hide the kids from...Mary Poppins.

2008-06-21T17:39:00.002-04:00

I'd be scared, too, if some lady floated into town with an umbrella and carpet bag.

by permission only

2008-06-20T09:45:00.001-04:00

by permission only
Originally uploaded by funkymono

This sign -- which is at a church cemetery way out Leicester Hwy. -- struck me as funny. Have they had a problem with random people rolling up and burying folks? The misspelling was a bonus.

asheville from way up

2008-06-20T09:41:00.001-04:00

DSCF4674
Originally uploaded by funkymono

Went to a party at the new condo building on S. Lexington (near the intersection of S. Lexington and Patton Ave.) This is a perspective you don't get very often in Asheville, so I snapped a few photos. Click on the image for more.

funkymono mug

2008-06-20T09:36:00.002-04:00

funkymono
Originally uploaded by funkymono

I received this wonderful surprise from my fab co-worker KJ. It's a funkymono mug!

Greatest. Mug. Ever.

even you must be into you

2008-06-19T12:48:00.002-04:00

Lovin' the new video from Flight of the Conchords: "Ladies of the World."